Archives for November 2020

Famous people who have lived as recluses often have interesting things to say about seclusion and life in general. Below is a list of quotations by famous people, living and dead, who at one point stepped away from society. Unlike quotes specifically about social anxiety, some of these ponderings reflect seclusion as a choice.

“My belief is that ‘recluse’ is a code word generated by journalists meaning, ‘doesn’t like to talk to reporters.’” ~ Thomas Pynchon

“Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” ~ Emily Dickinson

“Genius is never understood in its own time.” Bill Watterson

“I am now quite cured of seeking pleasure in society, be it country or town. A sensible man ought to find sufficient company in himself.” ~ Emily Bronte

“Celebrity is the chastisement of merit and the punishment of talent.” ~ Emily Dickinson

“We do not play the piano with our fingers but with our mind.” ~ Glenn Gould

“Being a movie star, and this applies to all of them, means being looked at from every possible direction. You are never left at peace, you’re just fair game.” ~ Greta Garbo

“I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be left alone.’ There is all the difference.” ~ Greta Garbo

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.” ~ Harper Lee

“I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.” ~ J.D. Salinger

“I don’t consider myself qualified to do a movie about international intrigue – I seldom leave the country.” ~ John Hughes

“And I remember going to the record studio and there was a park across the street and I’d see all the children playing and I would cry because it would make me sad that I would have to work instead.” ~ Michael Jackson

“Practice something that makes you better. Don’t do something that ingrains habits that make you worse. But that’s what 99 percent of the people do.” ~ Moe Norman

“It’s crazy how you can get yourself in a mess sometimes and not even be able to think about it with any sense and yet not be able to think about anything else.” ~ Stanley Kubrick

“I’m disappearing, avoiding most things.” ~ Syd Barrett

In light of the recent developments concerning Woody Allen‘s alleged abuse of daughter Dylan Farrow at age seven, there’s been a rush of impassioned defenses of Allen. While this whole debacle gets hashed out in the court of public opinion, there’s been some interesting, albeit not new, conversations about bad people making good art. And finally, it’s brought up information about celebrities we’ve long forgotten in service of protecting their artistic reputations.

Allen isn’t alone. Plenty of celebrities have been involved in instances of repeated domestic abuse, violence, or rape, and we ignore it because of the disconnect between their public personas and private issues. We have a system in place for burying these stories in a surprisingly short time, and as such, we think of these people are great artists who also raped/beat up some people.

1. Sean Penn

Penn is a violent guy who spent 33 days in jail in 1987 for assaulting a photographer, and was arrested and charged with felony domestic assault after beating then-wife Madonna. Now, Penn is thought of as the leading guard of Hollywood liberals; he was an outspoken critic of George W. Bush and the Iraq war. He’s also painted himself as a great humanitarian–the first thing I picture when I think of Penn nowadays is him triumphantly on a raft in Haiti. With Penn, we haven’t necessarily forgotten his violent past, but it’s been rewritten and romanticized. Penn’s former violent streak has been morphed into a bad boy persona turned good, and it’s easy to ignore the past when the new narrative is so attractive.

2. Eminem

When Rihanna and Eminem’s duet “Love The Way You Lie” debuted in 2010, it brought up old stories about Eminem’s past issues with domestic violence. In talking about the song, Rihanna said that domestic violence is something that she and Eminem both experienced, “you know, on different sides, different ends of the table.” She’s referring of course to her experience as being the victim of Chris Brown‘s brutal attack, and to Eminem as the attacker of his ex-wife, Kim.

Eminem’s “Kim” gleefully recounts his violent feelings about Kim (who has accused him of horrific assaults) and details his desire to brutally murder her. In 2013, Eminem was awarded a Global Icon Award at the MTV EMAs. Everyone loves a redemption story, and I guess continuing to rap about how you beat up your partner counts.

3. Mike Tyson

Nowadays, Mike Tyson is a hilarious 80s throwback legend who has funny cameos in movies like The Hangover, with Bradley Cooper excitedly praising Tyson’s comedic abilities (this, I suppose, counts as art). Tyson is also a convicted rapist who served three years of a six year sentence for raping an 18-year-old woman in 1991.

In addition, Tyson was allegedly violent with his first wife, actress Robin Givens, although he clarified that he never hit her with a “closed fist,” because apparently all other hitting was fair game. He later clarified by saying “I grabbed my wife and hold my wife, you know what I mean? I shake my wife up. I never totally struck my wife.” Great.

But you know that part where he sings “In The Air Tonight?” Pure gold.

4. Jimmy Page

If you went through a Led Zeppelin phase in high school, you might not have known that Jimmy Page dispatched a roadie to kidnap a 14-year-old. Richard Cole walked up to Lori Maddox and apparently said “Jimmy told me that he’s going to have you whether you like it or not. You fucking move and I’ll fucking have your head,” which he followed by grabbing her and forcibly putting her into their limo. Page carried on their illegal, sexual relationship for three years. Another term for that sexual relationship is “statutory rape.”

This has largely been forgotten or thought of as characteristic of the time, since it was all pretty anything goes back then. Unfortunately, statutory rape isn’t something that should be chalked up to the time, swept under the rug, or go unpunished.

5. Bill Cosby

As we learned earlier this week, Bill Cosby was accused by multiple women (upwards of 13) of sexual assault. As detailed in Tom Scocca’s piece for Gawker, many of the allegation included drugging. Four women came forward to give accounts of the assaults under their real names, which is both brave and rare, and multiple lawsuits were settled with gag orders on the victims. All of this information was available to the public in a 2006 People Magazine article, and yet, nobody remembers this, myself included. As Scocca put it, “[w]ith shocking speed, it was effectively forgotten.” He also points out that these lawsuits had little to no effect on his public perception or career:

In 2009, Cosby was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for his distinguished achievements in humor. In 2010, he was honored with the Marian Anderson Award, for “critically acclaimed artists who have impacted society in a positive way, either through their work or their support for an important cause.”

6. Roman Polanski

Roman Polanski was arrested and charged with raping 13-year-old Samantha Gailey (whose name I use because she’s spoken publicly and written a memoir about the rape). Polanski had invited her over under the pretense of photographing her, and then gave her alcohol and Quaaludes before raping her. After his conviction, Polanski fled to France and has avoided extradition.

In September of 2009, Polanski was detained at the Zurich Airport due to his 1978 U.S. Arrest Warrant. While Polanski was in custody, over 100 people in the film industry publicly called for his release in a petition, including Woody Allen, because making notable artistic contributions outweighs raping a 13-year-old. In July of 2010, Switzerland rejected the U.S. request and Polanski was released from custody.

7. Michael Fassbender

Michael Fassbender is known for being a truly excellent actor whose gritty performances elicit visceral reaction in viewers, but he also beat his ex-girlfriend, which elicits a different type of visceral response. The Frisky reports on the details of the attack:

His ex claimed he threw her over a chair, broke her nose, dragged her alongside her car, and caused her to twist her left ankle and blow out her left kneecap. In addition to a restraining order, she asked for $20,000 to cover medical expenses for her injuries.

Eventually, the woman in question dropped the charges for any number of reasons, including the possibility of being intimidated, not wanting to sabotage Fassbender’s career, or being paid off. Fassbender, for his part, has expressed a deep sadness about how much people care about his penis.

8. Sean Connery

Sean Connery who died this year, publicly admitted to beating women, and didn’t see anything wrong with it. In this case, I think his words say a lot more than I ever could. He was quoted in a 1965 Playboy saying:

“I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman – although I don’t recommend doing it in the same way that you’d hit a man. An openhanded slap is justified – if all other alternatives fail and there has been plenty of warning. If a woman is a bitch, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I’d do it. I think a man has to be slightly advanced, ahead of the woman. I really do – by virtue of the way a man is built, if nothing else. But I wouldn’t call myself sadistic.”

20 years later, he told Barbara Walters:

“I haven’t changed my opinion. […] No. Not at all. I don’t think it’s bad, and I think it depends entirely on the circumstances, and if it merits it. If you have tried everything else – and women are pretty good at this – when they can’t leave it alone and want to have the last word, then you give them the last word. But they’re not happy with having the last word, they want to say it again and get into a really provocative situation. Then, I think it’s absolutely right.”

Connery was knighted in 2000.

9. Tommy Lee

After beating wife Pamela Anderson and leaving her badly bruised, Tommy Lee was sentenced to 180 days in jail for felony spousal abuse in 1998. At the time of the beating, Anderson was holding their infant son. This wasn’t a one time offense–”Lee had been repeatedly placed on probation for a series of violent incidents dating back to 1983.” The judge in the case “faulted the justice system for allowing the rocker to believe that he could get away with behaving violently.” This is an excellent point, because it’s certainly not just public opinion that lets celebrities off the hook. The justice system is just as culpable, although serving time doesn’t necessarily do much to lower people’s opinions of celebrities (see: Mike Tyson).

10. David O. Russell

Russell is known for his violent temper and erratic behavior–anyone remember the Lily Tomlin incident while filming I Heart Huckabees? But things really took a turn for the worse in 2013, when Russell admitted to groping his 19-year-old niece (who for some reason is always referred to as “transgender niece,” when “niece” would suffice), although faced no charges. This all happened at a gym, where Russell helped his niece work out and then for some reason felt her breasts after enquiring about breast augmentation. Russell says that he did this because he was simply curious about the procedure, and also that his niece flirted. As nieces do.

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This is by no means a complete list, because the number of violent people glorified by Hollywood would fill an entire website, but these are the people I forget about and have been so wholly forgiven that it amazes me what we’re capable of repressing.

I think by this point, we’re past the conversation of the ability of bad people to make great art. Of course they can. Charles Dickens was a wife-beater. J.D. Salinger liked them young. Pablo Picasso was a sociopath who tormented the women in his life. Bad people make great art all the time. It’s up to individuals to reconcile that difference, because if we start saying that every bad person’s art should be disregarded, we would unfortunately be left with very little to look at.

Of course, good art does nothing to exonerate horrific behavior, and some people’s behavior is so atrocious that it’s hard to separate their work from their actions (plenty of people on this list fit that criteria). Perhaps the issue here is one of priorities–to appreciate their creations but always in the context of who they are. Maybe we should start thinking of these guys as rapists/abusers who make art, instead of the other way around.

Shyness as an athlete can turn a life in the spotlight into a uncomfortable prison of public scrutiny. While some shy athletes blossom in the limelight, others do their best to avoid being the center of attention at all costs. Below are some famous shy athletes and how they handle shyness while maintaining their careers.

1. Cathy Rigby

Cathy Rigby is an Olympic gymnast, motivational speaker and entertainer; she was the first American female to win a medal at the World Gymnastics Competition. Rigby retired from sports at age 20 to pursue her acting career despite her shyness.

2. Dontrelle Willis

Dontrelle Willis is a professional baseball player who was placed on the disabled list in 2009 for social anxiety disorder (SAD). There was some controversy over whether this was an accurate diagnosis for Willis, who spoke little of any anxiety symptoms. Willis talks about how he copes with the pressures of the sport:

“Everybody says they want to have fun, but when you struggle, it’s not as fun as when you’re playing well, obviously. Now my mindset is just simplified, going out there and really just thinking about myself and not really caring about anybody else as far as what they think. I’m not going out there and, excuse me, pitching with a gun to my head instead of just going out there and having fun. You make a pitch, and if you don’t [execute] it, go on to the next one.

3. Joe DiMaggio

Joe DiMaggio was known as the greatest baseball player of his era. Nicknamed the “Yankee Clipper”, DiMaggio was the winner of numerous awards during his career. At the same time he was known to be shy:

“He was always kind of shy,” manager Tommy Lasorda said of DiMaggio. “He felt uncomfortable with a lot of people, but yet he was always there as a tremendous representative of our game of baseball. He was an icon.”

4. Khalil Greene

Khalil Greene is a professional baseball player who was placed on the disabled list in 2009 because of social anxiety disorder (SAD). Greene has talked publicly about his emotional issues and taking the sport too seriously. It is believed that he was receiving treatment for anxiety at the time he was placed on the disabled list. Greene talks about his difficulties:

“It was difficult to concentrate, difficult to sustain my energy level. All my energy was wasted trying to control myself. Just trying to get myself to function, to be able to stay in the game and not be thinking so much what I’m thinking. It’s just a battle to be relaxed. I’m trying to battle that and find a way to come to terms with that, trying to find those coping mechanisms.”

5. Mia Hamm

Mia Hamm is known as the best female soccer player in history. American-born Mia won the FIFA world player of the year award in 2001 and 2002 and played for the United States National soccer team for 17 years before retiring to start a family. As a child Mia moved often with her family and found herself shy and withdrawn:

“I was this shy, introverted kid and through the game and through athletics I was able to gain a lot more confidence and express myself on the field. It is about enjoying themselves and that’s what I could tell about all of these girls. They played hard, respected the game and just had fun doing it.”

6. Nick Diaz

Nick Diaz is an Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighter who was suspended for one year by the Nevada State Athletic Commission (NSAC) in early 2012 for failing a drug screening test after UFC 143; marijuana was found in his system.

Rumors have swirled that Diaz may suffer from social anxiety disorder (SAD) and use marijuana to self-medicate; he admits that he was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, was put on the prescription medication Ritalin, and found marijunana a more acceptable alternative as an adult. Diaz has generally been unpredictable in media appearances appearing either shy or scattered in his speech.

7. Ricky Williams

Ricky Williams is a professional football player with a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder (SAD). At one point during his career, Ricky was too afraid to even leave his house; he dreaded going to the grocery store or anywhere that a fan might recognize him. Before publicly announcing his illness, Ricky was considered aloof and strange by the media because he would avoid fans and do interviews with his helmet on. Ricky received both medication and therapy for SAD.

Ricky had the following to say about his social anxiety:

“I’ve never been a really outgoing person, but I was never afraid to go out and have a good time. When I was [drafted to] New Orleans, it got to the point where I didn’t want to leave my house. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to go to the grocery store. I didn’t go out on dates. Occasionally, I’d go to dinner, but that was probably the extent of it.”

8. Susie O’Neill

Susie O’Neill is an Australian Olympic Swimmer and Gold Medalist who has publicly discussed her struggles with social anxiety and shyness. O’Neil told Australian Women’s Weekly in 1998 that she was afraid of winning because of the need to stand on the podium and become the center of attention. Team events also frightened her because of her fear of speaking to strangers. Despite her shy nature, she was dubbed the “quiet assassin” because of her fierce competitive spirit.

Gerry Collins, ABC Commentator had the following to say about Susie:

“Susie was always very shy and very quiet. But the one thing that you could see in her was this incredible competitive spirit. She wasn’t the champion who would, sort of struts along the pool so to speak. She just seemed like a normal person and I think people loved that.”

9. Zack Greinke

Zack Greinke is a Professional Baseball Player who has battled social anxiety disorder (SAD) and depression during his career as a pitcher. Greinke took seven months off during 2006 to receive treatment from a sports psychologist. Despite the obstacles he has faced during his career, Greinke made a huge comeback winning the Cy Young Award in 2009.

From Dayton Moore, the Kansas City Royals General Manager:

“I can’t speak to this because I’ve never experienced it, but I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for him to recognize his condition and evaluate it honestly and do something about it,” Moore said. “He’s been able to take all of those experiences and combine them and that’s why he is where he is today.”

There are three notable figures in the royal family that are known for their shyness. Interestingly, they are all connected; Prince Charles and Princess Diana were married, and King George VI was Prince Charles’ grandfather. Being shy as a royal figure is a challenge, as royal duties involve a great deal of communicating with the public. Read below how these royal figures learned to cope with their shyness.

1. Princess Diana

Princess Diana was the first wife of British heir to the throne Prince Charles. Together they had two boys, William and Harry. Diana was a kindergarten teacher who was known for being shy. Though initially overwhelmed with royal duties she gathered strength from her desire to help and became a strong force and supporter of many charities. She and Charles later divorced; Diana was killed in a car accident after trying to escape the paparazzi on August 30th, 1997.

2. King George VI

King George VI (also known as Albert) was the second son of King George V. His brother Edward abdicated the throne to marry an American socialite and Albert was thrust into the position of King. He suffered with a severe stammer until age 30 when he worked with a speech therapist. Albert died of cancer on February 6th, 1952. His story was made into the Academy Award winning film “The King’s Speech.”

3. Prince Charles

Prince Charles is the son of Queen Elizabeth II and grandson of King George VI. Growing up he was described as obedient, shy and awkward. It was not until he attended grammar school in Australia that he began to develop self-reliance; he is quoted as saying “Australia conquered my shyness.” Charles was married to Princess Diana with whom he had two sons, William and Harry; after their divorce and Diana’s death he reunited with former love Camilla Parker-Bowles. He is involved in many charities and social causes and is said to be introspective and thoughtful.

Not all successful business figures are extroverted; many top business moguls are known for being reserved, introverted or shy. Successful shy business leaders are generally hard-working, connected with their employees, and command a unique form of respect. Here is a list of some well-known shy business figures.

1. Bill Gates

Bill Gates is the co-founder of Microsoft. After dropping out of Harvard law school, Gates went on to form the successful software company along with friend Paul Allen. Although he has been described as cool and distant, some call him shy. His parents remember him being vulnerable as a young boy:

“He was so small and shy, in need of protection, and his interests were so very different from the typical sixth grader’s.”

2. Brenda Barnes

Brenda Barnes was named the CEO of Sara Lee in February, 2005. Prior to joining Sara Lee, Barnes left her high-powered job at PepsiCo to spend more time with her young children. She describes herself as shy by nature and dislikes giving speeches to the extent that she will only do so if there is an obvious benefit to her company. She is known for divulging little personal information and shying away from public attention, preferring that the focus of interviews be Sara Lee and not her personal life.

3. Craig McCaw

Craig McCaw is a wireless communications entrepreneur known for his reclusive nature. McCaw grew up with the challenge of dyslexia which left him shy and unable to relate to his peers. At the same time, he claims his disability allowed him to see things from different perspectives and ultimately led to his business success. McCaw has been described as awkward in public:

“To see Mr. McCaw at public gatherings is to witness the unfortunate effects of his dyslexia—he is shy and unassuming, visibly uncomfortable during his rare public speaking engagements. The narrative of his ideas is disjointed, his point only becomes clear when his trains of thought collide in an unpredicted conclusion. He is famously well-known for blowing the punch-lines of jokes.”

4. James Copeland

James Copeland is the former CEO of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu and known for retiring alone with a book at family get-togethers. Copeland describes himself as insecure in social situations, but that he enjoys being around other people when working together on solving a problem. He notes that one of his strategies for dealing with his social insecurities is to be active in problem-solving enterprises such as the United Way. At the same time, he still has difficulties with non-working situations:

“In purely social events, I just toughed it out and did the best I could.”

5. Katharine Graham

Katharine Graham became the owner of the Washington Post after the death of her husband in 1963. From 1973 to 1991 she served as CEO of the paper, and was known for her reputation as a courageous, fair and thorough publisher. Despite her success, Graham described herself as once shy and insecure, but that she rose to the occasion when responsibility was thrust upon her. She died on July 17th, 2001.

6. Leroy Grumman

Leroy Grumman was the design genius behind the astronomically successful aeronautical engineering company that bore his name. The company was known for keeping things simple, retaining employees, and being profitable when others were failing; particularly during difficult times such as war. Grumman was known to be shy but commanded the respect of his workers. He died on October 4th, 1982.

It might be surprising to learn that some politicians are shy. Some of the qualities of a great leader can be born out of shyness — the ability to listen and motivate others to action can come from a milder temperament. At the same time, most leaders who are shy at some point learn how to overcome their insecurities in order to fulfill the social obligations of their careers. Here are some famous shy political figures.

1. Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln was born to a poor farming family in Kentucky. Despite being shy and awkward, he went on to study law and later, politics. Lincoln was elected 16th president of the United States and was inaugurated on March 4th, 1861. Prior to his election, he became well-known for his stance against slavery. He became respected for his eloquence and knowledge, which culminated in the now-famous speech known as the Gettysburg address. Lincoln was assassinated on April 15th, 1865, six days after the end of the Civil War.

2. Al Gore

Albert Arnold (Al) Gore became the 45th Vice President of the United States in 1993 under Bill Clinton. He lost the presidential election in 2000 to George W. Bush after a controversial re-vote in Florida that was ruled upon by the Supreme Court. In his early political years, Gore was known to be a poor public speaker and was uneasy and nervous meeting the public. He also had a weak stomach and would get carsick when on the campaign trail. Despite his insecurities, Gore had a level of determination that helped him rise to challenges. An author and environmental activist, Gore received an Academy Award for the climate change documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.” He and his wife Tipper divorced in 2010 after 30 years of marriage.

3. Bob Dole

Robert Joseph (Bob) Dole is an attorney and politician. He served as a United States senator in Kansas, ran for vice president in 1976, and president in 1996. He was known for being shy growing up, but found confidence in athletics where he excelled. Dole’s right arm became paralyzed when he was hit by gunfire while serving during World War II. He is known for carrying a pen to signify that he can’t shake hands with that arm.

4. Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt faced many hardships during childhood; her mother passed away when she was 8 and her father when she was 10. Starved for love and affection, she was a shy and awkward child who blossomed into a woman loved by many. She married a distant cousin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who later became President, making her First Lady. She took on the role in a way that had not been seen before, combining her sensitivity for the underprivileged with her knowledge of politics. After her husband died in 1945, she became a spokesperson for the United Nations. She died in New York City on November 7th, 1962.

5. Theodore Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt suffered with asthma and poor eyesight as a child, and grew up timid and overprotected. Determined not to be limited by his physical challenges, he began an exercise regimen that helped him grow strong and confident. Roosevelt later went on to become both Vice President and President of the United States, and receive the Nobel Peace Prize. He died on January 6th, 1919.

6. Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson was the third president of the United States. Tall and awkward, Jefferson was known as an eloquent writer but poor public speaker. He is most famously known for drafting the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson died on July 4th, 1826.

7. Ulysses S. Grant

Ulysses S. Grant was the 18th president of the United States and a military commander during the Civil War. Grant was known to be shy around strangers but could talk endlessly about topics that interested him. After being diagnosed with cancer, Grant struck a deal with Mark Twain that saw him write and publish memoirs of his life story. The memoirs sold well and earned him respect and acclaim. Grant died on July 23, 1885.